Ceremony - The Art of Ritual
Celebrant Jane Godfrey
Both Izzi and Daniel's mothers walked down the aisle lit the outside candles, which burned until after Izzi and Daniel said their vows. Then they blew them out and lit the centre candle together to symbolise the merging of the two families.
There are many rituals within a marriage ceremony, and the key ones need to be thoughtfully choreographed, writes celebrant Jane Godfrey.
The act of walking in at the beginning of a marriage ceremony is a ritual. It needs to be choreographed to create the meaning a couple wants. Who will walk in? And with whom? Will the couple both walk in with their parents? Will one person walk in with their mum, their dad, their grandad, their best friend, or by themself …? Will words be spoken by the celebrant, or will there be a silent beginning to the ceremony, allowing the music and the lyrics to set the tone? Or will the couple be already at the front, with the guests entering their ‘sacred space’ to witness their union? There is no right or wrong; it is simply a case of personal preference.
Other rituals within the ceremony include the vows, the ring exchange and the ceremony ending, and attention to detail makes a difference. For example, the exchanging of rings. Firstly, who will have the rings, and why them? How will the rings be presented to the couple? When a couple exchanges rings I get them to place the wedding band halfway onto their partner’s finger, say the beautiful words that describe what the ring they are giving symbolises and then push the ring the whole way on. That sequence of actions says, ‘I am about to give you a precious gift, this is what it means to me, and now it is yours forever.’ Three small steps that strengthen the words. Better than just bunging the ring on with no sense of purpose, right?
And walking out? Just as important as walking in. This is when a couple is reintegrated back into their community of family, friends and colleagues in a different state to how they began. They are married now, stronger than ever, having made public promises to be together forever. It is emotionally powerful stuff.
Once again, the choreography needs to be thought through and rehearsed. What the celebrant instructs the couple, the wedding party, the family and the guests to do matters. Make sure the ending has the POP you’re wanting.
Extra rituals within a marriage ceremony
You might be getting tired of reading the word ritual by now, but if you’re up for it, there’s even more to think about. What about a ritual within a marriage ceremony? A small, stand-alone ceremony that adds to the whole affair. The options are limitless.
guests creating a circle of flowers for the couple to stand in
guests gift the bride a bloom as she walks in and her bouquet is formed in the moment
a reading/a blessing/a prayer (to begin the ceremony, or at some other time)
warming/blessing of the rings (passed around everyone present)
lighting a candle of remembrance
presenting a rose bloom to the mums thanking them for their love and care
handfasting during the vows
a sand ceremony
tying a fisherman’s knot
sharing a dram of whisky from a quaich
sharing a glass of wine, toasting to the past, present and future
creating an anniversary box
the giving of a gift (or the saying of vows) to a child/children
a witness lucky dip
a community ribbon ceremony
presentation of a horseshoe …
What is important to remember is that a ritual needs to be seamlessly integrated into the ceremony as a whole. Its meaning needs to be explained to the people watching it, otherwise it becomes ‘lost’. Whatever you choose to do, it should sound right, feel right and enrich the experience for all involved.
My advice? If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. A ceremony is magical when every element is performed with thought and care, and feels like the right fit – regardless of whether the ceremony style is simple or elaborate, humorous or romantic, or any other kind of vibe. Be you. And find a skillful celebrant who will create the ritual magic for you.